Ready or Not

What does it mean to be ready?

I’m not sure. However, I keep coming back to the idea that being ready (or not) is an illusion. And like all other illusions, it is made of the fluid energy of thought.

My son Kyle is going to be moving out of the house next summer. There is a wonderful community of individually owned homes being built specifically for people with special needs. He is going to own a home there. See my previous post, Big Dreams, Dream Big for details on the amazing community of Luna Azul.

That said, a few people have asked “Am I ready?” I have asked myself this question too.

And the answer is…

It is a little sooner than expected and even sooner than I would have planned. However, an opportunity has come along that is too wonderful to pass up. So we have made the decision to move forward.

But am I ready? What does that even mean? How do we know when we are ready for something?

It might be taking a step toward a big change or something new and we are wondering if we are really prepared for it. We try to imagine the future. I have done this many times with regard to Kyle living in his own house with a caregiver. And I try to imagine what it might be like to live here without him. I squint into the unknown and wonder. The truth is, I have no idea and will not know until I begin living this change.

Am I so tired of taking care of Kyle that I am ready for him to move out? No, not yet. But am I ready? Yes, it will be nice to have more freedom. And yes, it will be nice to help him settle into a new home while I am still well and able to take care of his life management. I get to set things up exactly how I want them. Like everything, this will be a work in progress. I would much prefer the process to take place while I am alive and healthy.

Does this mean I’m ready? Not sure. Do I need to be? Don’t think so.

Do I know I’m going to make it happen anyway? Do I want this for us and Kyle? Yes. No question.

Ready looks like a state of mind. And state of mind fluctuates all over the place on any given day. When I am very tired in the morning and would rather stay in bed than get up for Kyle, yes, I feel ready. When I kiss him goodnight each night, no I don’t feel ready.

Ready or not, life will flow forward. I can see that the more I paddle with it, the better it will feel. This is the opposite of resistance which creates that feeling we call stress.

On another note, my daughter Rachel is expecting her first child any day now. Last month, we got a virtual tour of the nursery. She has all the items checked off her list and it appears on the outside, she is ready.

Is there more to “ready” than this? Can she be mentally and emotionally ready for a journey that is unknown? I imagine she is ready to love the new person that is going to come into her life. Maybe she is not ready for many nights of uninterrupted sleep. But she can only look from this vantage point. She has not yet experienced the “in the moment” deep love and responsibility for another being that comes with motherhood. She will take the role of motherhood one step at a time as we all do.

Ready. Perhaps it is some imagined state we believe we must be in before making a change or going off in a new direction. It’s starting to look irrelevant to me.

When we listen deeply to what looks right to do, the rest is figured out in real time.

Ready or not, there are never any guarantees anyway. All we can do is live into each experience one moment at a time.