Only Moments
I found myself awash in the beauty of a string of moments.
My youngest daughter, Leah got married. We flew across the country and then drove winding roads to a remote rental home in the mountains. It didn’t take long for the sensation of being transported to wash over me.
I was away. Very far away. Geographically and also in my mind. The mental shift I experienced really stands out.
I’m really good at detaching. Perhaps it comes from having a son with autism whose challenges and needs made it difficult for him to travel with us. Over about 30 years, we took many trips with our two girls, leaving Kyle behind with a caregiver.
I gradually came to see that worrying or obsessing about how he was doing or what was going on at home took me away from enjoying the moments and the rest of my family. I’m not going to say I never did those things, but over time, there was an organic evolution of detaching or letting go and immersing myself in the present moments of wherever I was. I never “worked” on this. It just occurred over time.
To maintain a vacation mindset and stay more fully present, I found myself not checking in with home every day. I did call, and later on text, but usually not daily. The caregivers always knew they could call me if they needed to.
This trip felt different. My daughter was getting married. I wanted to be there as fully as possible. I found myself detaching at an even deeper level. His caregivers knew to contact me only if it was urgent. This helped me create more of a full immersion experience.
Less thinking, more being. It was a much needed rest and break. And it wasn’t something that took effort or thought on my part. It just happened naturally.
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Reflections
Moments, both special and ordinary, bubble up to the surface of my awareness
The hug of my grandson
My granddaughter newly walking
Reuniting with my girls and their guys
Feelings of excitement and slightly nervous anticipation
The wedding, each moment special in its own right
The Mill House, no ordinary house but more of a museum, with pastoral grounds, slippery rocks, old wood
Getting ready, hair and makeup
Transforming Leah into a beautiful bride
Reconnecting with her friends, meeting his friends
Connecting with his mom, this time as family
The whir and buzz of happy energy as people arrived to caravan to the trailhead
Very hard rain on the drive to the mountain
Magically the rain stopped when we arrived, not to appear again
Serendipity? Divine intervention?
A special walk up Roan mountain to the ceremony spot
Hiking boots with a fancy dress
More anticipation and excitement
Pre orchestrated moments became reality, richer than any imagination could create
Leah emerges from the mountainside quilt dressing room
This moment takes my breath away
No words for those feelings, that experience
Tears of love and joy pool in my carefully made up eyes
Fresh air, majestic clouds, the bald of a mountain, straddling North Carolina and Tennesse
We gathered around
Their words, vows, poignant and meaningful
A flow of moments, yet time stilled
Feeling the magic of presence, so special
The love of a couple for each other: palpable, beautiful
The love of family and friends: intimate, beautiful
The trek down: light hearted energy in motion on the trail
A ceremony dinner
Beautiful and delicious, carefully selected food
Mini speeches touched my heart
More moments
The day after, the party (reception)
A rainbow ends on the lush lawn of our cocktail hour
Bride, my daughter, and groom, my son in law, take my breath away again on their first dance
My husband’s speech, poignant, tears of joy
My other daughter’s speech, funny yet deep, more tears
My grandson discovers the dance floor with me
Aliveness: the crowded dance floor and the party feeling of the “young” people
Wonderful to be a part of, wonderful to watch
I sneak off to push my granddaughter’s stroller
Her smile melts my heart, a once in a lifetime moment
Sparkler send off, sealed the joy of the evening
Drifting back home, I felt exhausted and refreshed at the same time. Once again I was struck by the magic of presence, a reset for my soul.
With that presence, I felt the wonder of moments, only moments.