Larry

Larry came into my son’s life because he needed someone to cut his hair. The hairdresser coming to the house and sweeping up hair for the next week situation wasn’t working anymore. It was approximately 24 years ago. 

Larry was already cutting my husband’s hair. He had never been with anybody like my son Kyle. Due to his autism, Kyle has certain sensitivities and a lot of body movement that can make a haircut really challenging. 

Kyle had not been out of the house for a haircut for many years at that point. My husband had already talked to him about Kyle. I discussed some of the challenges in more detail. He was willing to try.

I honestly don’t remember the very first haircut. What I remember is Larry’s general openness to cutting Kyle’s hair which I know was a new experience for him. I remember his willingness to learn and go with the flow. I’m guessing he was nervous for that first cut but he was very patient. 

Larry is meticulous and wasn’t going to settle for a marginal haircut for Kyle either. He did not give up easily on trimming those pesky sideburn hairs next to his ears and the other details that make a neat looking haircut. 

Sometimes it was difficult for Kyle to actually get in the barber chair. Not so much physically, but he sometimes had a panicky hesitant resistance.  We perfected the art of the “running start” and Larry knew to turn the chair at just the right angle from the door to make it easier for Kyle to get in it. It didn’t always work but he tried. Sometimes it made a big difference. 

Some appointments were rough and others somewhat smooth. Some involved a lot of movement on Kyle’s part and others, not so much. Larry was amazingly adept and cutting the hair of a moving target.  He learned the art of timing - when to back off and when to go back in. He was willing to stop and wait patiently. Larry didn’t seem disturbed by Kyle. 

Over time, we got to know each other and he got to know Kyle. Pretty soon, another teen with autism was getting his hair cut by Larry. He even advanced to cutting Kyle’s eyebrows at some point.

It was really Larry’s attitude that made the difference. It’s hard to even articulate this part. He did everything with caring kindness. I never had the sense he was just trying to get through it. And he cared about the end result.

I’m writing about Larry because after 24 years of cutting Kyle’s hair and more than twice that time cutting hair in general, Larry is retiring and moving out of our state. Even though I told him (and Kyle’s dentist) they are not allowed to retire, he decided to do it anyway. Go figure.

Changes like this are really challenging for people with autism and their parents. We get into a comfort zone with people who seem to understand and respect our kids. These are people who are willing to learn and take a chance and be “that person who can make a difference” for somebody. It can be a little tough to find professionals to work with…doctors, dentists, barbers, etc. We’ve had some medical experiences that weren’t very nice. 

Someone like Larry can easily get taken for granted after awhile. Each appointment can feel a little routine though Kyle is definitely never the same from one appointment to the next.  It may not be until I remember that nothing is forever and people come and go from my life, that I find myself taking a step back to appreciate on a deeper level. Change  can be a catalyst for this awareness.  It’s easy to zoom in on the difficult parts and difficult people in life and glide past the special ones and places where life is smooth. 

Larry probably cut Kyle’s hair over 200 times. There was a year or so after an injury, that we had to go back to his former hairdresser. Larry had a hand injury and I didn’t know if he would ever be able to cut Kyle’s hair again. But eventually, despite nerve damage and needing to use his non dominant hand, he was able to resume cutting Kyle’s hair.

In the 200 plus hair cuts, he never once cut Kyle. This was truly amazing given Kyle’s frequent and unexpected movements. The haircut last Sunday maintained this perfect track record. We both acknowledged that. 

I’m really grateful for our time in Larry’s one chair barber shop. It was meaningful and at the same time, ordinary. Larry was a very special man to us. I don’t know if he realizes what an important piece of Kyle’s life puzzle he became throughout the years. His barber shop was a safe and accepting place out in the community for Kyle. Not something to take for granted. 

I always thanked him and gave him bonus money. I’m not sure those gestures were sufficient. Larry was one barber in a big sea of barbers. He might retire quietly and without a lot of fanfare, but I hope he leaves knowing he made a big difference in the life of one family and young man with autism.